Mikey Loses Again, Takes Others Down With Him
HADDONFIELD, IL – In a fit of rage mental ward escapee, Michael Myers, lunged at a panel of judges where a local spelling bee competition for degenerates was taking place in Haddonfield High. The 54 year-old went ballistic when he understood that the word he was being asked to spell was “whore”, (W-H-O-R-E), which ignited thoughts of his deceased mother. Of course, the word was not “whore” but “horror” (H-O-R-R-O-R). Unfortunately for both Mr. Myers, and the judges, his hearing was obscured by the closed and probably rotted mask. Unfortunate for Michael because he lost his fifth straight spelling bee competition and unfortunate for the judges, well, because they’re dead.
FBI Breaks Up Piracy Ring
In what is being described as the biggest piracy ring in the country by a yet to be disclosed source, the FBI have confiscated anywhere from ten to twenty, not in the hundreds, thousands, nor millions. Nay! But literally ten or twenty pirated movies.
Such films confiscated included 27 Dresses, Step Up 2 and some new movie directed by Tyler Perry. Special Agent Veri Speshall, of the New York based offices in downtown Manhattan, has been overseeing an operation that has critics calling it, “Stark, Raving, Mad!” A series of wire taps, Intel from the Intelligence Agency of Intel, who specialize in recovering Intel, and numerous undercover operations which some might consider, hairy, have all led to an underground of “piraters” that have been selling illegal copies of “burned” movies over the Internet and various street corners in various parts of the metropolitan areas. Six arrests have been made after a reliable source informed the FBI that a shipment would soon be arriving in an undisclosed location in Chelsea Piers.
The only “privileged” information they are allowing us to reveal is that the shipment arrived somewhere near the water. We were, however, able to recover a photo of the ship docked after making the delivery, exclusive only to Reely Bored News! (See pic below)
Soon after the ship docked, the police opened fire, canons ablaze, ensuring that the pirated movies would be destroyed in the explosions. Miraculously, no one was hurt. One pirate was able to escape through the chaos but did not get far thanks, in part, to Spiderman who used his web sling-thing to stop him a few feet away from a getaway jet where FBI agents were finally able to catch up with the perp. “Let me go! Argh!” Screamed the criminal, but the only place he was going, was jail.
It was later disclosed, during trial testimony, that the pirates were planning on making films of their own. Seen here, two pirates discuss who is going to be the top and who is going to be the bottom during filming of a movie yet to be titled.
This Just In: The Second Coming Hath Arrived!!
In what an entire nation has dubbed, “News of the Century,” reports indicate that Kid Rock will be making an official announcement later this week concerning rumors that seem to indicate that He is, indeed, The Messiah.