Humor
Forget The Sopranos, Meet the Vampire Mob!
“We are all famous to a few people.”
He’s a hitman and a vampire, and he just found out his mother-in-law is moving in for eternity.
Got your attention yet? Good, because this catchy title is what first intrigued me into taking a further look into the webseries that is the Vampire Mob. Created by writer/director Joe Wilson, Vampire Mob is a unique blend of crime and comedy of the intelligent kind. No slapstick here, but genuine laughs provided by Wilson’s smart and witty scriptwriting.
Lending to the entertainment value of the show is Don Grigioni (John Colella) who plays the smart-ass, vampire hitman in which one of his priorities, aside from watching his own back, is to provide food for he and his wife Annie Grigioni (Reamy Hall); food being blood. Subsequently, since Don’s mother-in-law, Virginia Jones (Marcia Wallace), is moving in, Don’s task of bringing home food has become daunting. No man would want to upset their mother-in-law, right?
Virginia, now a creature of the night, thanks to Annie turning her (yes, her own daughter) for what seems to be a pretty smart idea; Virginia is now able to provide Annie and her sister (who is a non-vamp) the long-term/life duty of being babysitter to their children, granted she doesn’t go out in the sun. Of course, there is the matter of the fangs which will undoubtedly scare the kids. But fear not for prior to being turned, Virginia was relegated to using false teeth, that’s right dentures.
Now in it’s Second Season, this is merely a taste (no pun intended) of what Vampire Mob has to offer!
Vampire Mob is not to be missed; the great camera work, acting and writing for the show displays just how this could be a show worthy of being on television and not just on the web; it is truly a good time!
For more info on Vampire Mob, check out their website at www.VampireMob.com and be sure to check out the episodes on their Youtube Channel.
Mikey Loses Again, Takes Others Down With Him
HADDONFIELD, IL – In a fit of rage mental ward escapee, Michael Myers, lunged at a panel of judges where a local spelling bee competition for degenerates was taking place in Haddonfield High. The 54 year-old went ballistic when he understood that the word he was being asked to spell was “whore”, (W-H-O-R-E), which ignited thoughts of his deceased mother. Of course, the word was not “whore” but “horror” (H-O-R-R-O-R). Unfortunately for both Mr. Myers, and the judges, his hearing was obscured by the closed and probably rotted mask. Unfortunate for Michael because he lost his fifth straight spelling bee competition and unfortunate for the judges, well, because they’re dead.
Realizing his mistake, Mikey Myers did right by spelling the correct word then walking away in shame.
Man Food – Egg Salad Sandwich
For when you don’t know how to cook and the wife is not around…
Man Food – Mac N’ Cheese!
What do you get when you’re bored and hungry? You get Man Food!
GREAT MOMENTS IN BITCH SLAPPING! VOL. 1
1.) Dumb-ass sitting next to me whispers (loudly) to girlfriend/date/fellow teeny-bopper – “I hate to say this, but I think “this” is going to happen.”
Proceeds to tell her what he thinks is going to happen —-> 15 minutes later, said thing happens (which was obvious). Whispers (loudly) to girlfriend/date/fellow teeny-bopper – “Yep, I called it!” (Mentally, I stood and gave him an ovation)
2.) Every single night-time scene in the movie – Audience stirs and mumble nervous jargon to one another. Whispers echo throughout the movie theater in 7.1 surround sound:
I thought everyone would embrace the night scenes instead of dread them, defeats the purpose of film. What the hell did you expect!?
4.) Silent, ambient moment in the film —-> Some jerk – “Boo!” (he and friends chuckle as if it were funny) I clench my fists, close my eyes and take a deep breath!
5.) After “Night #5″ in film, various establishing shots of cameras setup throughout the house/property are shown for, you guessed it, the fifth time. Again, dumb-ass sitting next to me whispers – “Yeah, yeah, we know you have a front door! Yes, we know you have a pool. Let me guess, kitchen? (kitchen shown on screen and he lifts his arms up in frustration and shakes his head) See, I knew it!” (Mentally, I toss an imaginary grenade in his direction!)
6.) Silent moment in film —-> Aforementioned jerk yells, “Oh yeah!” in his best Pauly D. (Jersey Shore) impression [he and his friends chuckle]
7.) Jump scare moment —–> Girl seated in front of me is so “jolted” that she presses her seat back violently and into my knees! I bite my tongue. She doesn’t turn around to apologize, instead she giggles with her tweeny friends!
8.) Silent Moment in film —-> Again, jerk in the back of the theater shouts, “Boo!” A good Samaritan shouts, “Not funny!” Tween girlfriend responds with, “Yes it was!” (friends chuckle)
9.) Film concludes, FADE TO BLACK. Audience is left in darkness for what seems like a few minutes – 7.1 Surround Sound again form the audience:
Of course, nothing happens! ROLL CREDITS!!
I’d like to personally thank the “Tweens” of Poughkeepsie, NY for nearly ruining the movie experience for me. Good job guys and gals!
ent, ambient moment in the film —->