Mother

With the slew of friends, family and co-workers having babies, there is the inevitable question that all couples must endure when they have spent a lengthy time together, “Sooooo (has to be long and drawn out), when are you two having a baby?” I can’t but help roll my eyes and think to myself, “If I had a dime for every time I’ve been asked that question….” I’d probably be about $10 richer.

Still, such a question makes me wonder and, deservingly so, begs to be answered. I think I’m ready to have a kid. But, just the mere fact that I say, “I think,” makes me wonder if, indeed, I am ready. My wife and I would joke about making a baby after getting home from watching a movie, or, having a romantic dinner at the Chinese Buffet (kidding). I warn her by saying, “You know what that means, right?” In no way, do I condone, unprotected sex, unless of course you are happily (and faithfully) married, or are in the planning stages of starting a family. She cringed a little at the thought, as did I, as neither of us has ever been in the situation, sometimes predicament, of planning to have a baby.

How do I know whether we’re ready or not?

There is the usual and vague answer, “You’ll just know when you’re ready.”

Really?

My impression of being ready was always: A.) First and foremost, make sure you married the right person, B.) Be on the right path for a long and prosperous career, and C.) Have a house ready with a nursery painted either blue, pink, or yellow. I have one out of the three (married the right person). But my search for a career path has hit a wall and I’m having a hard time breaking through. There is, without a doubt, no question that I want to provide for my family and fear of not having career would hinder that idea. I have reached a point in my life where I am at the brink of giving up on my dreams, not completely, but pushing it to the side a bit. Running into that brick wall has not stopped me from doing anything, instead, it has actually lead me to take action, take a step back and finally see reality for what it is.

Sometimes, a dream is just a dream, always with you, out of reach and plays in your mind like déjà vu. At the moment, my main concern, and priority, is simply pursuing a career path that would enable me to provide for my family.

Of course, none of this has come to fruition. I have no child. However, simply talking about having one frightens me. Does having a child mean that my life would be over? According to some people that I know, yes, it is over, but, as they would say, “It’s totally worth it!”

Is it?

I am not where I want to be, I haven’t lived my life to its fullest, I still want to travel, sleep, watch what i want to watch on TV,  etc, etc. I still want to live my life. In a way, I may have answered my previous question of whether or not I am ready. But then there’s one thing that is creeping up behind me and I’m afraid that it will catch up to me and my wife.

Age.

I’m not getting any younger, but most importantly, neither is my wife. However, she is a few years behind me so she is OK for the time being. I, on the other hand, will be hitting one of many milestone ages this coming year… the big 3-0. Although not old by any stretch of the imagination, I do realize that I am arriving a little late to the party. What worries me the most is that, by the time he/she is old enough, I would be too old to be fully active with him/her. I suppose I just don’t want to miss out on doing anything with him or her.

This is my “predicament”. To have a baby, or not to have a baby. That is the question! I can see that my wife is unsure as to whether or not she, herself, is ready for a baby when we are discussing the “planning stage”. There is no doubt that she wants a kid but, like me, she still wants to live her life before most, if not all, comes to a screeching halt. I understand her. She is highly motivated, ambitious and full of aspirations. I really don’t know when, if ever, those traits will slow down or go away. Until then, the only thing I can do is listen to the “experts” and those who have recently discovered the meaning of parenthood. I suppose, in the end, we really will know when we’re ready, not just I.