Neala and her friend Sherri only wanted to do a little backpacking through the woods. Little did they know they would soon be shackled to a dead tree, waiting for them to arrive. The Dills family thought the small motor lodge in the quiet town of Barlow seemed quaint and harmless enough. Until they, too, found themselves shackled to trees in the middle of the night, while They approached, hungry for human flesh…
Book Review Blog: The Woods Are Dark
I first read Richard Laymon years ago before I went dark. By dark, I mean, when a long hiatus from reading. Although I only had two of his mass paperbacks in my book arsenal, Darkness, Tell Us captured my attention over The Beast House because of its cover art, which adorned a Ouija (Wee-JA) board. At the time, I heavily invested in collecting all sorts of Ouija boards for two reasons: 1.) they fascinated me to no end and, 2.) because I was enamored by the art displayed on its facade. Did I believe in the supernatural? At the time, I was on the fence but steered clear of using the said instrument to communicate with the dead – just in case. I kick myself every day for not taking any photos of a wall I dedicated to adorning all types of Ouija boards. Having read Darkness, Tell Us so long ago, I can’t say that I remember much about it aside from a distinct memory of enjoying the book. It was the first, and only time I read any of Laymon’s books. That is until I got my hands on a copy of The Woods Are Dark.
The Woods Are Dark started fast. That is not to say that it was a good thing. Two friends Neala and Sherri are driving down a dark road when something (emphasis on “thing”) meanders onto the road startling the two women. They get out, find a severed hand, chuck it off, and decide to grab a bite to eat. Oh boy. It was at this point in the book, the first few pages when I knew that I was in for the long haul. A few pages later, at a diner where the girls stop to grab a bite to eat, they discuss the fantastic idea of not reporting the strange incident, and the severed hand, to the police. Why? I really don’t know why other than Laymon not wanting to stop the action. The story does not slow down for one bit as the townspeople are in some sort of conspiracy that relates to the “thing” that was in the woods. They kidnap the girls and bring them to the woods as some sort of deal the townsfolk have with the things in the woods, and chaos ensues. And, I tell you, chaos really ensues!
I wanted to stop after I finished the first chapter, but I promised myself to see things through to the end, and I honestly had high hopes that the novel would get better. Wishful thinking. There were so many shenanigans happening in this book that came out of left field and made no sense. There is even a love story arch that was utterly bogus, and I scoffed, cringed, and rolled my eyes more than any book that I read recently. It was borderline infuriating, and to say that Laymon is perverse would be an understatement. I am a big boy and can handle R-rated content without a doubt, but it just did not make any sense in the context of the story. It was as if Laymon included these scenes solely for the shock value alone. Again, the love interest angle was utterly ridiculous and did not fit in the narrative whatsoever except as a “McGuffin” to remove our heroines away from a horrid scenario where their story would have ended and into another that would continue their storyline. Really, that was the only purpose of that story arch.
There were so many moments in the book that not only made sense to me but upset me because it was semi-infuriating because it was just too unbelievable and unrealistic. I know I am supposed to check my brain in at the door like a popcorn movie, but this just felt almost insulting. The structure and plotting were all over the place, and it was tough for me to stay engaged because of how ridiculous it was. While there were tons of “shocking” moments, they seemed only to be included for that shock value. For me, it only made me roll my eyes harder.
I expected to be enthralled by Laymon as he seemed to be a reputable author who gets a lot of praise, but I was not impressed at all with his writing as it felt very amateurish and unpolished. I wanted to like The Woods Are Dark and was looking forward to reading more of Laymon’s work. But after reading this one, I don’t think I will be revisiting Laymon for some time, which is a bummer because I was looking forward to reading Night in Lonesome October. To sum it up, The Woods Are Dark was terrible, ridiculous, unbelievable, incredulous, perverse, and even laughable. I cannot, in good conscience, recommend this book to anyone. I will, however, read Night in Lonesome October when I can put this book safely away in the far outer depths in the back of my head.
Krull!!!! (if you read, or have read the book, you will get the reference)